London Town

Where metal and brick cement their place
On bonny Blighty's weary face
And carpets for cars, bikes and feet
carry countless people i will never meet
Where brickwork buildings and metal mesh
will stifle breath and bind the flesh
No friendly face, no hands are shook
All that matters is how you look
London Town, an eyesore metropolis
Buried nature, a grey necropolis.

Halloween, bonfire night and cold, dark nights with mugs of lovely tea!!!

Fall

Dead leaves fall when autumn starts

Once so green, strong and bright

A million sinking broken hearts

Are set to burn on bonfire night.

And with each leaf, a sighing breath

The tree’s youth hits the floor

Trampled by kids dressed as death

Who come to bang upon your door

Trick or treat they shout as one

And then expect a prize

The mighty oak tree just looks on

As leafy tears leave his eyes.

Wanderlust

Like a blind man, slowed by care
we tentatively shuffle, too aware
Doom and gloom! It might go wrong
We tell ourselves, and creep along.
Like a Tortoise , within our shell
peeping out, if all goes well

If we're the tortoise, she's the hare
covering ground without a care
To watch her soar; to watch her run
it's clear to all who really won
She'll see it all! All the sights
From ancient ruins to city lights.

She's never beat and never lost
never cold in morning frost
she wraps that smile round her face
To keep her warm in every place.

Always waiting.

Well, i guess you should never bury your head in the security of other people, no matter how much you're there for them they may not be there for you when you need them. I kind of knew that anyway though...moving on ...a quick post in between looooong shifts at work!! 12-1 then 12-1 then 12- who knows when...sigh. Always waiting for something, until the end of days when we can wait no more.

As a child on Christmas eve
i eagerly await a lie
one that you'd have me believe
As life goes flying by

You claimed we'd lay awake tonight
to catch him creeping around
But as i turn your mind takes flight
and you sleep without a sound

Left alone to stand and fight
I know not who to blame
That cause i laid until the light
I saw Santa never came

& though i envy you your sleep
at least i learnt to fight
and if he comes again to creep
i'll give him quite a fright!

Riding Storms

Hello, to all of you reading this...all none of you. I seriously doubt people read these things unless you get yourself a following of groupies, i may sulk for i have few. I'll treat this more as a diary from now on, no one wants groupies for diary entries. Well, my habit of burying my head is still going strong, lately i've found a classical piano version of The Doors song 'Riders On The Storm' which gives me goosebumps! Goosebumps the size of mountains, so i bury my head in these wonderful mountains of raised awareness...quite ironic really.
I actually got to ride in a storm for real tonight. I knew the weather forecast was predicting violent storms in my area and i wanted some excitement. So, i waited until the sky darkens and silence lays like a blanket over the land and then headed out to some rarely used roads in the car. Sweet Jesus was i in for a shock! It started as soon as i set off from my house, though just a little rain and a faint glimmer of lightening. I got about 2miles out from the city lights and i was on my own on the road. When i realised i hadn't passes a car in a while i knew i was far enough and at that exact moment a sheet of lightening lit the night sky, so bright i could see for miles! When you experience lightening like that out of the inner city its an immense sight, so powerful. I kept on driving, setting a slow pace to see more of the incredible show. However, i soon got a bit too close. The lightening was becoming more frequent and suddenly it flashed right in front my very eyes! I've never experienced this before, i was directly underneath the storm and the clouds were low, an eerie mist had settled in front of me on the road. My visibility was very limited due to this mist until suddenly the lightening flashed so bright in front of me that i had to shield my eyes and the wind screen wipers were struggling to work fast enough to allow me to see!!! I had a moment of fear, i was miles from anywhere, alone, and driving with terrible visibility, it was a very uneasy feeling and i started to speed up to get past the storm. It was as soon as i sped up that i had a moment of rare clarity.
As a kid if i had been put in that situation i would have loved it, the world was a giant playground where everything was to be experienced and explored. My childhood was such that i felt involved in everything around me and dived into unsettling moments with a naive courage. Sometimes naivity is needed in life, without it we become too calculating, too robotic and detatched from life itself. Luckily i realised this was becoming a problem for me whilst the storm was still raging all around me. I pulled the car over, sat back, replaced my uneasiness with wonder and enjoyed a remarkable and rare experience, i feel all the better for it.

As kids we have wishes that are carefree, spontaneous and we enjoy fearless lifes happily going from one adventure to the next with no stress inbetween. I think somewhere along the line 99.9% of humans lose this way of life. Fear is sold to us by corporations, newspapers, television, governments and word of mouth. Those in power feed off our fear and grow fat off it. Our childhood wishes and dreams and adventures become replaced by questions such as 'hmm, tight budget, whats next...decorate the bathroom, get a new boiler or save for a holiday.' The biggest adventure most get is a holiday to a place which is england but in a foreign country for 2weeks a year. I imagine most people spend 5weeks worrying over christmas and working that much harder for it, and 3weeks before their holiday just waiting for it to arrive and working. So, 10 weeks in the 52 that exist in a year are spent in a slightly altered way maybe...'but it's ok, we're going to a land of sun for 2weeks!!! YAY' they'll say...to which i'd reply 'there used to be sun here too, and extravegant views, but the advertising billboards block out both.' ...and whats on these advertising billboards? Cheap holiday deals. No thanks, this isn't for me at all.

Wishes of the young always take flight
Through a cloudless sky, ample and bright
But age and living will cloud the mind
The quest for more, which we’ll never find
when the day is no longer young
Advertising billboards will block the sun
And the scene is set, artificial night
Where no wind can give our wishes flight

...

I have a massive and slightly obssessive urge. I want this so bad it hurts and my stomach feels indecisive...heavy, yet hollow and empty. I want to leave the house, through the front door, wearing my dressing gown with the hood up. I want to walk through the dark streets in my area, casting shadows when i pass a street light. I want to be introverted, in a trance, almost to a point where it would seem like a challenge to be dragged back to the harshness of reality. I want to do this, placing one foot in front of the other in a robotic, monotonous motion whilst i let my feelings swarm over me, cloud my eyes and sink my lips. I want passers by to mumble quietly to their companions that i 'dont look so good'. I want to shuffle away to a place where i spent joyful youngers years. I want to get in the middle of my chosen place, let the memories wash over me and shudder with violent spasms of nostalgia. I want to feel all the uncertainty and indecisiveness climbing up towards the surface. I want to feel it, like a lump rising, gathering pace, growing like a snowball rolling, making my face twitch. I want to release it with every fibre of my being. Oh, sweet cathartic joy! I want it to tear my throat and make my voice hoarse. I want it to burst blood vessels as i throw it forward with every furious ounce of energy i have. I want to scream so loud with anguish that my younger self hears the warning and the dread of uncertainty in the air. I want my piercing howl to raise the, fair hairs on the back of his young neck. I want to do this until i am down on my knees, crying with the effort. I dont want to be frowned upon, or thought mad, for doing this. I don't want to be sectioned and drugged until all of the surrounding grey concrete and cold blue steel becomes acceptable again. It isn't right. I vaguely remember colours, smells and elements. I think i remember misty winter mornings, the gentle crunch of frost under boot as i run to school, skidding in the patches of ice. I distantly remember lush, green spring mornings, where the dew from the vibrant grass would seep into my shoe, pass swiftly through my sock and soak my foot. The scent of a heavy shower looming nearer and daffodils and daisy's all around. This was life, there was colour. I want to scream until my guts flow out of my mouth and i spew bodily paint over the concrete and cold steel. My prison is my canvas. This whole city is my prison. Penned in by greys and blues. A man-made, overcast, grey sky. The elite do this because the sun causes irrational emotion, they want our senses to be neutralised. If the environment surrounding us fails to do this they bring the drugs. They come at night. Cloaked in black, needles drawn. Injecting grey fluid into our red bloodstream. No colour is allowed anywhere! But i harbour a secret, i cling to it at all hours of the meaningless day and lay awake in the night nurtutring it. The drugs are becoming less effective. Each time i am drugged its effects are leaving me quicker and quicker. The greys and blues are cracking...but so am i. It's a race against time. I have to find a way out before i am taken. Thats what its called people 'disappear', which is something they do when they show too much emotion. I'm on a knife edge. I want to scream, but i must remain silent. I yearn to rip down the grey structures and tear through the blue steel, but i must remain dormant. A sleeping volcano waiting to scream.

in the blink of an eye

This first year of uni has flown by! It feels strange packing up my room, lots of souveniers from an action packed and emotional first year! An amazing year to be honest, feels sad to have left my room. Especially knowing that someone else will be enjoying it next year, i will have to come back and see who the new person is

Sick with nostalgia I vomit the past
Sifting through memories I desire to last
But sensing freedom they flee in the night
on the wings of moths they seek out the light
spreading like locusts as moses foretold
they block out my sun and leave my life cold
As i scurry away, under a rock
a new face moves in, where i horded my stock.